Ennui (noun) : a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement
Yep. I’ve got it.
I have felt bored, bored, bored with things lately. Sure, the kittens are fun to watch, and I’m enjoying the gardening, but overall I just feel bored to death.
It’s not as if I don’t have a lot of things to keep me busy. My job is fun, but familiar. But I don’t have anything that’s really exciting me right now. It seems like everything I would like to do is either forbidden by some local rule or turns into a total pain in the ass to do.
Example: I have an AR.Drone that I’d love to learn how to fly, but I’m loath to do that for several reasons; the growing fear of the public of drones and the inability to fly it in most of the public areas of my neighborhood thanks to bans on flying “model airplanes.” Sigh.
I used to do a lot of bike riding, and would almost like to start doing that again, but we live in a very hilly neighborhood. So what I used to do is pop my bike into a van that we used to own, drive down to the local big bike path, and take off on long rides from there. What’s stopping me now? Let’s see: my bike is no longer in rideable condition and I’d have to fix it first, we no longer own the van (although I could probably fit the bike in the back of my car), and I would have to ride late in the day after dinner … at which point I’d probably have no desire to go riding.
Ham radio is another thing that I’d love to get more into. My dad has been a radio amateur since the 1950s, I got my license back in the late 1990s and I now have a General license (KCØEZH). But I’ve been stuck on just using low power handheld transceivers thanks to restrictive covenants in my neighborhood that ban antennas. And practically nobody is on the local repeaters now thanks to the expansion of cellphone use. At one point I owned a low-power transceiver capable of working some of the longer bands, but I hated the UI of the device and couldn’t figure out what to do antenna-wise, so I sold it. Sigh again.
I have to admit that there are some things that also keep me from doing a lot after work hours. For one, I love good wines and my wife and I often split a bottle during dinner. Talk about something that ruins your ability to get things done! After a couple of glasses, it’s common for me to fall into the trap of just plopping my ass into the recliner in front of the TV (which bores me) with my iPad in hand.
What do I do to break the ennui? I think one of the best things might be to just stop drinking wine with dinner and wait until later in the evening to have a glass. That would give me the energy to actually try doing something “productive” in the evenings, like take a walk or bike ride, see if I could figure out a way to build a “stealth antenna” for ham radio work and actually talk to others around the world, etc…
Maybe I learn a new tool, like Photoshop or Lightroom, and start getting up to speed on improving my photography skills. Or each day, figure out something to do after work that does not involve sitting on my ass in front of the TV. Set a goal and do it.
Whatever. I just need to get rid of this ennui. It’s SO boring.